Story continuation 3

I was lost , blank , darkness everywhere . I don't know if anything happened worse than that phase .....

I don't know what actually happened with me , as everything was in my hand .

I had never been let this free before . Am talking about the decision which was in my hand , choosing a subject as it's going to become the base of my career or whatever I gonna do in future.

June 2021 , just came out of the trauma happened in whole academic year due to the uninvited demon named CoRoNa ( and obviously demons never come with an invitation ) and if you ask ; what happened during the covid,  is an another whole big chapter . Rest is history . 

So , okay let's begin from the ending ( hahahah, as I said half of the 2021 is another mystery till june)

It was like I had already lost half of my mental health during the academic year because maybe I totally lost my capacity of becoming a topper , still I don't know if I really deserved that name or not . 

December 2020 , I already left my home and isolated myself for the preparation of my boards and suddenly schools were opened in feb 2021 and yay finally I got chance to stay at hostel again after a longest vacation ( which I have talked about in blog : Day 3 ) ever which I got in 7th of march 2020 after completing my final exam of class 11th . I left hostel thinking I would come again after one or two week but yeah I got never-ending surprise vacation one by one and finally after a year I got chance . 

I won't lie but seriously, I walked through the school corridor as if  I was having visual hallucinations .

I was thrown in the "topper" section (students selected for merit preparation ). I was lacking somewhere or maybe I was too harsh on myself everytime , never gave a chance to understand my own self , I compelled myself to fit in the jar I was not made for . If anything I always wanted is freedom because whatever I did or do I do it when I am free . There was no one to understand except my mother, not even me . She was the only one who helped to face that anxiety and panic attacks which I had came across for the first time in my life .

I wrote a poetry which became my favourite :

I was falling into the dark,

Somehow, you were always there mumma!

Why do you love me so much?

Why these starry night is not beautiful

for you anymore,

But you're brighter than

Any Star I know!

Shimmering, glittering, shining

in my life, I couldn't reach you..

I was falling into the dark,

somehow you were always there , 

to hold me, mumma!

Those little accessories of smile, 

She wore like a holy mark.

I have seen her blooming 

Whenever I was in dark

whenever I'm afraid of life

Everytime you hold me very tight.

I ran and flew and screamed,

but couldn't find myself

Tired of being lost everytime,

confused of my own character..

I played each and everyone

differently at a different time..

I was falling into the dark,

Somehow ,

you were always there to hold me, 

Mumma ❤️

     

  

  Its 1:55 AM now , I have to reach college tomorrow very morning  at 8:30 huh!

Okay bye for now , I hope I'll continue this as soon as possible .

 With lots of love <3 

~ Dishahahaha