Sum up - 2022

 Sometimes I feel like am too much, too much for passion, love , emotions, this journey, life etc etc..

Ah this year ! 2022 , it all started from a hopeless beginning and it is now ending with unexpected memories. This year I have seen myself lost and then found and then again lost , I have seen myself falling like autumn leaves 'broken yet looks beautiful' . 

Delhi itself is enough to let me romanticise places, people and uljhe hue bijli ke taar which perfectly depicts my life .

Never thought about this but when life actually happens to you , it arrives in a spectacular way . I cried out loud, laughed , felt lot of things and it was all so intense.

 It doesn't sound good to people that I have lost so many parts of myself, whenever I looked back at people they have always complained " Disha badal gyi" , I couldn't accept and everytime when I used to hear this, it left me numb, silly yet so hurtful reason for my breakdown and anxiety. So, yes ! I have changed, changed in a way that now I think less and live more , I don't stay where i don't belong.

It is said that if you're holding something by force for a long time which doesn't even belong to you, it starts hurting . I was holding my past where I still wish to go back again , where I was at my high times , I was best at life . Last year was the worst but this year has given me a chance to accept but not to expect , to live but not to hope , to love again but not to force anything .

All those sleepless nights , when I really felt there's no one to help , to understand, to look after because at the end you are the only one left with yourself. So be sure to be there for yourself when you feel you are not enough, when you feel life is unfair to you , understand yourself the way you want others to do it for you .

This confession can go endless , as I am "the endless words"— and i can never let it go out of myself . So , now I want to thank: this year , this place , people I met , memories we made and a lot more .

" एक रोज, फिर कभी सोच लूंगी

जिस दिन नज्मों को ज़ेहन का परदा नहीं आईना बनाऊंगी।

झूठी मुस्कान भूल आऊंगी कही,

मिलूंगी कभी खुद से यूं ही,

सवर जाऊंगी इसी बहाने

यूं ही , एक रोज खुदसे यानी जिंदगी से मिल जाऊंगी ।।

               — Disha Sardar 🌻