Incomplete

 I've always pushed people away whenever they tried to stay by the intentions of never leaving me . 

Sometimes everything feels so incomplete , maybe because I do feel like it ... incomplete ... !

My therapist says I always compare my present with my past . I had good times with myself, never had i made many friends but I used to feel complete with everything what i had . Sometimes i do feel that i should not care anything but how someone can not care about it , if it's in their head all over the time . I've constant clashes of thoughts, everything is contradictory. They say it's a phase but I had dreams to fulfill, I had thought of everything . I don't know what I really want, everything seems so ahead or nothing i can see at all , idk . Everyone blames expectations but I do had expectations before in my life I has never hurt me but now all of a sudden it became an evil . People have life , they do have expectations, dreams , atleast something that makes life meaningful. Now everyone has their own definition, way to think about life . Everything is so confusing. Love , trust, belief, attachments, every emotion makes human a being . " You just need to live , you don't need to care , you should not feel this way . Do you even know why and what you feel about your life ? Have you ever loved someone? Do you even know what it is ? Do I need to know? Isn't it enough the way I feel ? I want to live my life to the fullest - why you expect too much from yourself? "