Remembrance

If you read me , have you ever noticed a pattern in my writings ?

How often I mention about broken homes and ocean , waves , storm etc. all these metaphors in my poems like ज़ाहिर है , जाने देना , Broken Home and so on... yes also I often use 'shaam' a lot because I have a very weird relation with evenings and home and all those thoughts like waves in the ocean , I see them all and it's really interesting observing my own thoughts , patterns of creating same metaphors but I deeply know they are not merely just metaphors . 

With time I started acknowledging all my emotions , thoughts , feelings . They say a person can only write when their heart breaks but I think you have heard this line by Faiz Ahmed Faiz ' Aur bhi gham hai duniya me mohobbat ke siva ' so for me it was never about sorrow , pain , broken heart but something deeper , as it was always there in me . As I have mentioned already in some blogs that how much I hated evenings , it always felt so empty that I had to come back home when sun sets and that emptyness laid in home because I stayed alone with my mom dad , I barely had or ever made friends . I don't know how we get somewhere because of all these patterns that happen in life , which makes everyones life so different . Since childhood , I loved to dive into deeper thoughts about each and everything but idk why I could never relate to people around me , I barely could enjoy happiness or excitement about things that they mentioned like about buying a new dress or toy or teadybear . I always found complex emotions relatable , ah it's very difficult to remember about my childhood .

I remember I loved after monsoons a lot, after whenever it rained I used to collect red velvet mites , I know I know I was weird but I loved collecting those tiny little insects , little harmless creatures they were so beautiful but now I can't see them , they are called trombidiidae I used to pat them 😭 lol omg they were so beautiful idk if you've ever seen or touched them . My childhood was weirdly beautiful . Saturday it was half day school and so every saturday after classes I used to find new places , I mean not just about finding but about discovering new places in nature . My home town was not a city but it was more like a village , surrounded with rivers , mountains , other villages so it was safe . I loved spending time in nature , so I used to discover new places every weekend . One day I found a water canal which was partially dried and I found a way to reach down there , I remember it was the most perfect and beautiful place I ever encountered in my life . So all these things made me the happiest kid in that town and in PTMs my teachers used to ask my mom how she stays happy and smiling 24/7 everytime . 

Yeah so these are some memories I still remember about my childhood . Home , evenings , oceans , waves were always metaphors in my writings because whatever I used to see around it never existed outside but within me . 

Yours truly

Disha (sunflower emoji)